VERY excited!

Let me just preface this by saying that this will probably only be exciting to me, however…

I think I have found my gym. And I am so excited! I’ve tried another place around which was ok and tried P90x (at home workout DVD’s) but…I don’t know, I just wasn’t feeling it I guess. However, today was perfect.

In my freshman year of college I worked out pretty frequently. I was in that gym 5 days a week, about 2 hours a day. (I took weekends off to drink and be hungover and/or lazy.) I have never felt so good in my life and had so much self-confidence. I’ve spent the last several years wanting to get to that point again. Also, I’ve noticed a small change this year in my metabolism and in my body. I’m still mid-twenties, but I don’t want to get into my 30’s and be shocked by my own appearance. I want to take charge and get back to being happy with myself.

There’s a good and bad to this “freshman year” goal. The good and bad is that I never weighed myself, I don’t know what size I was, and there are no measurements that will let me know when I’ve actually reached the goal. So really, it’s just remembering the way I felt about myself.

There’s also something underlying here as well. Disclaimer: this may be TMI. Ok, so I know that I am one of those people that brings their self-consciousness into the bedroom. If I don’t feel sexy, I’m just not up to my best, which causes this whole thing of guilt and frustration and my poor husband has to deal with it. I HAVE to change this because, frankly, I want to be at my best and I want to get it back in return. I truly think you get back what you put in, and thinking about my body issues just is not going to work for me anymore.

So, I’m going to the gym to feel good about myself. I am going to splurge a little and buy clothing that fits me well, instead of items that were on the junior’s sales rack 3 years ago that just aren’t appropriate anymore. I am going to work on remembering how to feel sexy and good about myself.

And I’m very excited about it!

Lame.

Wow, sorry I’m so lame. I just looked and realized my last real post was in April!

SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED.

Namely, J is deployed. So now I have a milspouse deployment blog…of sorts. I don’t want to just be talking about how he’s gone and how much I miss him…but let’s not lie to one another, I’m totally going to sometimes.

He left about two months ago, so 10 to go! Where he’s at is very hot, they’ve actually MOVED him (and one other soldier) to a DIFFERENT location in the past two months and changed his job several times as well. Not to mention the frustrations of trying to deal with finances from separate time zones and no consistency in communication, it has definitely been rough.

Also, I refuse to be one of the military wives who does not work, but has no children to care for at home. I think women deserve to work, and also have just as much responsibility to bring something to the table. That was something that really bothered me on base before-all these women opting not to work for no reason. Stay at home moms? Totally fine. Lazy wives that seem to be there only for the paycheck and tramp around the base in their most revealing clothing? Not fine.

This whole past year I worked at a local high school and was really happy there, and by the end of the year I was able to receive certification. HOWEVER, they had to actually send my OK cert. to Massachusetts since I moved back home.

Yes. Back with my family.

Don’t even get me started. I love my family, but my mother and I are really starting to get into it lately. I was just really down about J leaving, being unemployed and having to start all over in another state, moving and the stress that comes with it, and having financial issues (and pretty consistent little arguments with J as a result), the guilt of not working and trying to spend as little of the money my husband was bringing in, etc. etc. So the whole time she’s been comparing her first year of marriage and mine, basically saying it was the same because my dad worked a lot and she didn’t get to see him, and she was unemployed as well.

I want to scream at her. WORKING LONG HOURS does not equal a DEPLOYMENT. Being unemployed because you chose to be (she has lived in the same town her entire life- there was nothing disrupting her job search or networking abilities) is not equal to UP AND MOVING AND STARTING ALL OVER.

She has told me that being negative and depressed (I’ve gained 10 lbs. since I came home, btw) means that no one will want to talk to me or listen to it because no one likes someone who is negative.

So if you’ve made it this far listening to me b*tch, thanks for being there in spite of the fact that I’m not particularly cheery at the moment.